Episode 86

YOU MATTER TO ME

In all of the crazy, coming off of the holidays and transitioning back to work plus Biddy’s birthday on the 5th, there is one day that I glazed over. It was 9 years ago in January that I lost my sweet brother.

Sometimes, it feels impossible that he’s gone. Other times, it seems surreal that he ever existed.

A consequence of living a busy life is that often you can avoid feeling your feelings. I mostly grieve him in teaspoons these days- at a red light or during a quiet moment at church. The Lexapro “helps” / makes it hard to cry, but some nights after I lay my head down, it swallows me up like a wave.

I grieve because he’s now missing from our lives. His kids will never really know him. His daughters won’t have him to walk them down the aisle. His grandkids will never meet him. He’s not coming back. Ever. And the permanence of that makes me feel the same way I do when I think about space going on forever: kind of dizzy and a little sick to my stomach.

His name is Jason Arthur. And he was exceptional. I want to tell you about him and I think the best summary is his obituary which I had the honor of writing:

The Superlative. BEST, MOST and BRIGHTEST. Extraordinary boy wonder and ineffable man of the hour, Jason Michael Arthur, 36, died January 6, 2017 in Pompano Beach, Florida. Always best dressed and fashionably late, lighting up rooms and making strangers feel like old friends. Jason was born April 7, 1980 in Lima, Ohio to George P. Arthur Jr. and Christina J. Arthur. He graduated from Thomas Worthington High School in 1998 and later studied at The Ohio State University. He was a giant among men; a kind soul, animal whisperer, film critic, real life MacGyver and junk food extraordinaire. He was a fine artist, inventor and dreamer of extraordinary dreams. Jason designed sports cars and commissioned portraits in his spare time. He loved stand up comedy, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Honeybuns and a good pair of jeans. Jason was a beloved son, brother, father, uncle, friend, and nephew and he will be dearly missed. He is survived by his father George P.(Candi) Arthur Jr from Boca Raton, FL and his mother Christina J. Arthur of Columbia, SC. Along with former wife Carla Pastore and wife Rayna Arthur, and his greatest loves of all, his daughters Halli Arthur and Aaliyah and sons Yusef and Alexander. He is also survived by sisters Melissa (Thom) Bristol of Columbia, SC and sister Whitney (Tommy) McGregor of Greenville, SC. Along with four nephews Ewan, Leighton, Liam & Larsson and two nieces Lilly Grace & Thyra. And brother Jared Resnick of Plantation, FL.

He was so handsome and charming and funny - really funny. He put people at ease and loved talking to strangers. He was one of those rare humans that was ridiculously creative and artistically talented while also being very good at math and accounting. His pencil sketches looked photo realistic. He was well read and slow to argue. He lived a lot of life and had so many stories to tell that I will never hear.

He was an extraordinary person who was so loved. He also struggled with bipolar and addiction for most of his adult life. He spent several years in a Texas prison where he devoured every book he could find. I would send him books regularly and, once, he requested several American Sign Language guides so he could learn to sign and speak to a new inmate. He successfully taught himself ASL and was able to communicate with the newcomer.

When I was in 3rd grade, I procrastinated a project and when it came to the night before, I was beside myself, knowing I couldn’t finish in time. He stayed up all night building an Egyptian pyramid out of dozens (if not hundreds) of carefully cut pieces of poster paper. He stacked and painted them meticulously and had it ready for me to take to school the next morning.

He taught me how to play lacrosse. He stepped in when I was being bullied. I thought he hung the moon- a living legend. And I know, at times, I was the annoying little sister but he always looked out for me.

I regret not eulogizing him at his funeral. We just didn’t give him the send off that he deserved. I’ve started to write that eulogy and maybe one day I’ll share it. But what I would have reminded everyone is that we are not our mistakes. There are people I know who’ve never been to prison, tried drugs, driven over the speed limit or taken a wrong step. They’ve walked a straight line of life and checked all the boxes. But they also don’t have one fraction of the soul, kindness and depth that my brother did. They will never be as interesting, empathetic or genuine as he was. Addiction was a disease he had but it doesn’t define who he was and how much he mattered.

This time of year is often challenging for people grieving a loss. The let down after the holidays and then the lull until Spring is hard for everyone but especially those missing a loved one. It feels shameless to put a shoppable at the end of this episode but gifts are my love language and a little surprise in the mail can truly lift someone’s spirits. Here are a few of my favorites…

People We Meet on Vacation // Levain Bakery // Greeting Card
Hair Towel // Mary & Jane Daily Rituals // Slippers
Lip Balm // Storage Box // Notebook

Interested in working together? If you think we might be a good fit, we’d love to hear more about your project.